Saturday, July 2, 2011

Little Gomez

Eric Bogle

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Oh, I used to have a doggie and I called him little Gomez
Because he was a Mexican Chihuahua
Though there wasn’t much to him what there was all cojones
In fact he was a randy little fella big dogs, small dogs were all the same to him
The canine equivalent of Errol Flynn
At the drop of a sombrero he’d jump up and get stuck in
Taking Gomez out for walkies was embarassin’

I remember one day in the park his tally rose by four
An enviable score he was amassing, two very patient poodles and an Irish Labrador
And a wombat who just happened to be passing
I tried every way to curb his carnal appetite
I kept him on a leash by day, I locked him up at night
I even put some bromide in his chunky meaty bites
But the only thing that might have worked was Kryptonite

Then came the fateful day when he tried to consummate
A liaison with a Saint Bernard from Dublin
And although he was quite clearly fighting well above his weight
He didn’t let that minor detail stop him
He nearly pulled it off, oh, what an acrobat!
But the bitch got bored and down she sat
Well, they say that after making love you sometimes feel quite flat
I’m sure that little Gomez would agree with that

I buried Gomez in the park, his happy hunting ground a sad but fitting finale
Though I had to make a grave that was very flat and round
‘Cause he looked like squashed tamale
But oh, how I missed my wee Chihuahua chum
I went down to the pet shop to find another one
I went there feeling happy, but I left there feeling glum
Because the man behind the counter loved corny puns

And he said “Yes, we have no Chihuahuas we have no Chihuahuas today
We have Alstations, Dalmatians, fruits of all flirtations,
An alpine Pekinese in a toupee
But yes, we have no Chihuahuas we have no Chihuahuas today”

The first song I ever sang with Martin Pearson, shortly before we met in Kuranda in 1990. We eventually formed Never the Twain releasing two albums and the double album from which this track originated: The Almost Legendary Wine Bar Breakfasts, Vol 1 & 2, made up of recordings of our breakfast show at the Troubadour Winebar at the Woodford Folk Festival in 2003.

NB. While these albums are no longer available for sale, downloadable mp3s of all the tracks from all three albums are available here. Enjoy.

The illustration for this post features Jayne Mansfield and her pet chihuahua from Life (March 1956). The search for an illustration brought to me to a site advertising one of the weirder products available to the world today: the Hotdoll. While I advise bracing yourself before investigating this product further, I also recommend this promotional video. The juxtaposition of music and what might be termed "soft-paw porn" photography is, I believe, magnificent. Surely this is the purpose of the internet.

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