Friday, May 13, 2011

The F-111

Words: Lyell Sayer
Tune: Traditional (Johnny Lad)

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Now, Mr Robert Menzies was walking down the street,
And thinking of our airforce which was mostly obsolete;
"Our Canberra bombers are getting old as hell,
I'd better call up Uncle Sam and see what he can sell."

Oh, the F-one-double one it is a lovely plane,
It flies at twice the speed of sound and scatters bombs like rain,
It's wings go back and forward, it's the latest thing around,
It's a pity that it isn't safe to take it off the ground.

He said to Uncle Sammy, "We want to buy a plane
To save our lovely country from going down the drain;
We want to scare some Asians, so see what you can do."
The answer was, "Bob, buddy, we've got just the thing for you."

Bob said, "We'll take two dozen." The plane they had to make,
And soon they had one ready, its first flight for to take,
It whistled down the runway with a dreadful roaring sound,
And then broke up in little bits and fell back on the ground.

They sent six off to Vietnam, the country to defend,
To wipe out all the Viet Cong and cause the war to end,
But Ho Chi Min said, "Comrades, don't waste our precious shells,
These brand-new planes the Yankees have all fall down by themselves."

Now years have come and years have gone, and we all still depend
On our nice old Canberra bombers our country to defend;
The plane's prices double every time one takes a spill,
And if Sir Robert was still here, we'd make him pay the bill.

And when they are all ready, and we have paid the fee,
Our Generous Uncle Sammy will make delivery,
But I doubt if it will be much good to him or you or I,
At the present rate of accidents we've got a week's supply.

The General Dynamics F-111C was a controversial aircraft purchased by the Royal Australian Air Force in 1963. Problems began with a 10-year delay in delivery. For more, see Wikipedia

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